thinking desperate thoughts
laying in front of the TV
face so close my nose brushes the screen
there is so much crap on
looking at the covers of books
opening them, reading the dates
it was written and the many times
it has been reprinted
reading the name of dedication
reading the how I did it towards the end
there isn’t any fat to burn
I haven’t eaten
all is quiet
nobody is complaining
perhaps now used to it
my body, it obeys once trained
sniffing the sleeve of an unwashed jumper
huddled in its stomach, like I am in a bus shelter
something will come along
to take me from a to d, then to z
because not many bother going that far
but I will
feel a pinching on my skin
I slap it, in case it’s a flea
It could be
although the cat has died
fleas should have gone with it
stank out the room
front door opens, let’s in a blast of cold air
and the smell of wasting meat
I sniff, the smell is taken
the door is closed
the person coming in, I raise my head
‘You going to be there for your own wake as well?’ the person asked me
a crinkling across the floor, could be a spider
I sit up, my head going dizzy and waving
the person sits on the sofa, it heaves
knees come to my back, I lean on them
playfully pushing them in
the person gives a kick
with the trainer’s they had on, that hurt
‘You want these or don’t you?’ A bag was rustled, revealing the frame of white that is dinner – fish and chips, dazed in salt
I slightly shake my head
‘Your parents should have called you apathy’ the person said ‘you have a bad case of it’
‘That bad?’ I ask
‘It doesn’t do you any good. Look what happened to Kurt Cobain’ the person answered.
‘OK’ I nod ‘let’s go for a walk’
‘You want walking now? It’s late at night. It’s been a long day for me’
‘You haven’t taken off your shoes’ I point out, flicking the laces and looping them around my fingers. They crumpled. I cast away the threads , kneeling at the feet, climbing up onto the knees, perched comfortably, I lick my lips, playing with the chords on the persons trousers. He was hard. I shuffle forward.
‘Hello’ I said.
‘Hi ’ was the reply.
‘Oh, hi’ I giggle.
‘You want something?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, stop scoffing those chips and give us a kiss’ I said, stealing some of the batter.
K.L 2016 ©