Poem. Because of you. Katie Lewington.

Because of you I dislike viewing my reflection in the mirror
Because of you I hate going out alone
Because of YOU I have loathing for this world and me too
Because of you I can barely bring myself to leave the warm comfort of my bed
Because of you I am thinking of suicide, slashes across the wrist, bruises across my head from where I bashed it against the wall
Because of you I dislike living, I’m afraid to trust
Because of you I’m scared of shadows
Because of you I live inside a bubble, crying
Because of you I feel alone
Because of you I feel weak, selfish
Because of you the whole world has its eyes on me
Because of you I am in this straight jacket of emotional stress
Because of you I am paranoid, hear a whisper and fear it is about me
Because of you every day is the same, on a loop
Because of you I am in one abusive relationship after another
Because of you there is no part of me without a bruise
Because of you therapy tells me I am worth ten of you and this is a lie
Because of you I am nobody now, satisfied?

I am the freak and I have nothing left to defend
I don’t want to be a survivor
I remain crumpled at your feet

You make me the person I am today
I cannot remove this face, this personality
Belittling what confidence I had in me
I cannot be like one of you anymore, I am cut off, adrift from the world
Without hope, only fury and rage

What is happy
Am I happy
Am I already happy, is this it

Are you sorry
Will you be when I am gone?
Death is the only comfort left.

K.L 2016 ©

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